OPENING NUMBER: HAPPY VALLEY

Musical vamp with dialog.

TIM

I’M LOST
YOU’RE RIGHT.
LIKE A SHIP
TOSSED IN THE NIGHT.
LOST AT SEA.
THAT’S ME.
SCARCELY A BLIP.
COMING TO GRIPS
WITH BEING THIRTY.
THE BIG THREE-OH, MY GOD.
AND HERE I AM
ON THE BRINK OF A CAREER
DAY JOB.

Dialog

MYRA

”HOSPICE” AND “HUMOR”
THEY GO TOGETHER LIKE
”TRUTH” AND “RUMOR.”
BUT AT HAPPY VALLEY
WE GO DANCING THROUGH THE
GRAND FINALE.
THOUGH WE’RE FACE TO FACE
WITH THE SWEET HEREAFTER.
YOU SHOULD HEAR THE WAY THIS PLACE
JUST RINGS WITH LAUGHTER.

IT  MAY  SOUND  CRAZY.
BUT  THE  THOUGHT  OF  DYING
DOESN’T  PHASE  ME.
THERE  ARE  THOSE  AT  HAPPY  VALLEY
WHO  ACT  AS  THOUGH  THEY’RE  UP  A  BLIND  ALLEY.
WHY  BE  SAD
WHEN  DEATH  IS  JUST  THE  NEXT  ADVENTURE?Besides.  WHEN  YOU’RE  DEAD
YOU  NEVER  HAVE  TO  SOAK  YOUR  DENTURES.

Dialog

ANNE  MARIE  and  BETTY  SUE  enter  from stage-left, rolling  in  GARY  and  INGRID  in wheelchairs.  ANNE  MARIE  rolls  GARY  and  BETTY  SUE rolls  INGRID.

BETTY SUE/ANNE MARIE

INGRID/GARY HERE’S YOUR MEDICINE.

INGRID/GARY

WHAT’S THAT?

BETTY SUE

ACETAMINOPHEN.

ANNE MARIE

JUST A LITTLE HELP FOR THE PAIN.

BETTY SUE and ANNE MARIE switch patients.

BETTY SUE

HOW’RE YOU FEELING?

INGRID

OLD, SWEETIE.

MYRA

Ha! GET IN LINE, HONEY.

GARY

ME, I’M FEELING YOUNGER EVERY DAY.

PATIENTS

YOUNG, BOLD, AND HAPPY!

BETTY SUE

HOW’S YOUR APPETITE?

PATIENTS

OKAY!
WE’RE HAPPY!

ANNE MARIE

HOW’D YOU SLEEP LAST—?

PATIENTS

HEY, YOU TWO, STOP YOUR FUSSING!
WE’RE ALL A-OKAY.

They  shoo  BETTY  SUE  and  ANNE  MARIE  away  in  an affectionate  manner.  BETTY  SUE  and  ANNE  MARIE  go about  their  business. 

 ALL  sing  the  following simultaneously.

TIM

I’M  LOST.
ASTRAY.
IN  MANY  WAYS.
BACK  IN  THE  DAY.
I  HAD  A  BAND.
WE  WERE  HOT.
THE  CROWDS  WERE  INTO US.
I  WAS  NOT.
THOUGH  WE  HAD  FANS,
AND  PLANS,
I  FELT  SOMEHOW
LIKE  I  DO  NOW.
LOST  AT  SEA:
STIR  CRAZY.
AND  SO  I  QUIT,
BROKE  UP  THE  ACT.
BUT  THEY  WENT  ON  AND
SIGNED  A  CONTRACT.
NOW  THEY’RE  SELLING
OUT  THEIR  TOURS.
AND  I’M  HERE  THINKING,
"SHIT! THAT  COULD  HAVE  BEEN YOURS!"

MYRA

"HOSPICE"  AND  "HUMOR":
THEY  GO  TOGETHER  LIKE
"TRUTH"  AND  "RUMOR".
BUT  AT  HAPPY  VALLEY
OUR  TOES  ARE  TAPPING
LIKE  IT’S TIN  PAN  ALLEY.

MYRA/INGRID/GARY

HAPPY VALLEY!
WHY BE SAD
WHEN DEATH IS JUST THE NEXT ADVENTURE!
WHEN YOU’RE DEAD
YOU NEVER HAVE TO SOAK YOUR DENTURES!

TIM

I’M LOST
IN THIS WORLD.
NO WIFE.
HECK, NOT EVEN A GIRL.
ON MY OWN.
WANDERING BLIND.
I WANT TO FIND
SOMEONE TO BE MY LODESTONE.

MYRA

"HOSPICE"  AND  "HUMOR":
THEY  GO  TOGETHER  LIKE
"TRUTH"  AND  "RUMOR".
BUT  AT  HAPPY  VALLEY
OUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED
BUT WHO’S KEEPING TALLY?

BETTY SUE/ ANNE MARIE

INGRID/GARY HERE’S YOUR MEDICINE.

INGRID/ GARY

WHAT’S THAT?

BETTY SUE/ ANNE MARIE

ACETAMINOPHEN.
JUST A LITTLE HELP FOR THE PAIN.

INGRID/ GARY

WHAT ABOUT THESE NEW ONES?

BETTY SUE/ ANNE MARIE

TAKE THEM WITH THE BLUE ONES.

INGRID

GOT A PILL TO MAKE ME FEEL WHOLE AGAIN?

SPOTLIGHT  ON  ANNE  MARIE  as  she  steps  forward  and the  others  freeze.

ANNE MARIE

WHY DO I FEEL SO LOST?
I’M THE GIRL WHO HAS EVERYTHING BUT SOMETHING’S MISSING.
WHAT? IT’S HARD TO SAY.

ALL BUT ANNE MARIE

HAPPY VALLEY!

ANNE MARIE

CHANGE IS ON THE WAY.

ALL

HAPPY VALLEY!

HERE IN HAPPY VALLEY!
HERE IN HAPPY VALLEY!
HAPPY!
YES, WE’RE HAPPY!

TIM

I’M LOST.

Dialog by Rich Rubin
Lyrics and music by Michael Johnson
© 2014 Zubsongs, Ltd.