I've changed my mind

Here's what happened: I was on the bus and a middle aged man carrying some blue shopping bags came on and sat down in the seat in front of me. I caught a glimpse of the content of his bags: boxes of brand new guitar effects processors, and other gear. He was humming as he boarded the bus. And when he got off, he cradled his purchases in his hands, and kind of raced away down the sidewalk as though he was eager to get home, plug it all in, and rock out. I hope he did rock out. I hope he got home and posted all his songs to his blog, or his Myspace page, or wherever, and just laid it all out there for everyone to see. I wonder what his music sounds like?

Anyway, since I announced two weeks ago that I was putting Reclinerland aside for a while, I got quite a few emails and Myspace messages from people telling me how sorry they were to hear that I was closing shop. I was quite touched. I know that Reclinerland is not much, that I'm pretty obscure, and that, like my friend on the bus, I'm doing this alone. Sometimes you feel like you aren't reaching anyone and you start to get down. But, you know, it isn't about how many people you reach, it's about reaching anyone at all. I think if even one person is really touched by your music, that is reason enough to do it forever. At least until that person keels over and dies (if you don't first). Because that connection, as my recent experience trying to quit has shown me,  is reciprocal: you create something that touches them, which, in turn, touches you, and it just goes around and around. 

And another thing! Since I made the announcement, I've been more inspired! I had already been working full-steam-ahead on the musical, so much work, in fact, that I haven't even been bothered to BLOG about it, but then after I decided to put Reclinerland aside I was hit with a torrent of song ideas. It's as if I'd quit smoking and then started sucking down three packs a day. I've been writing and recording, and, well, I think I may have another album on my hands. 

So what do I do? How can I quit now? Why should I quit? I suppose a person is allowed an occasional moment of questioning, of soul-searching. And, having put Reclinerland away for even a week, I guess my body, my brain, my heart missed it too much, even in that short time. I can't quit. I want to keep going as long as people, any people, are being touched. Sometimes, when you're making something alone for too long, you forget that you're giving little gifts to the world. So as long as anyone is interested, I'm intersted. I'm not doing this for myself. I already love music, and I'd make it no matter what, but it isn't enough to do it by yourself, not when you could touch people. So I'm not going to quit Reclinerland. Eff it. I've changed my mind. I'm going to keep going with my projects and keep on doing it.

So please forgive me for being so wishy-washy. Reclinerland will not die. Not until I do. As always, look for a new album entitled Secret Notebook out later this year, another album called simply Reclinerland, and please, for Pete's sake, whatever you're doing with your life, DON'T QUIT!